you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm at about main and main street
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
