Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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