Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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