dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
