you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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