Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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