it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
