Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
