The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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