Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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