remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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