The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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