Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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