would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize