her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
