5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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