I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
