Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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