they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
