I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
