I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
