I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
