Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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