you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
