I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
