Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
