I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
