If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
