I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
