Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
