I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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