dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
