So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize