So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
