if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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