i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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