Can Purell be used as lube?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
