i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i will never coherently bang her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
