Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
