So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
