I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
