I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
