haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
