apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
