Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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