My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
