Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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