Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
