I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize