My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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