god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
