Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
