My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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