She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
