i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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