i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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