That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
