U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
