my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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