I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
