im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
