My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
