hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
