It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there's paper in my vomit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
