Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize