my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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