omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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