I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
