Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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