i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
