She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
