I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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