I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
