Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize