While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
